A Brand Spanking New Year

So it’s 2012. The world didn’t end. Buildings didn’t fall into the depths of the ocean, like they did in the movie, 2012. What a relief.

I was looking through my journal last night, and discovered that last year, I must have been in a delusional psychosis, because I gave myself 58 goals!!!!! (WHAT!?) to follow through on for 2011. I was going to be a sweeter wife, a better cook, more patient, lose 30 pounds (now it’s more like 40 I need to lose. ACK!), and do all kinds of other amazing, wonderful things. Well, not many of them got accomplished. You know what did get accomplished? I cared for 4 kids 24/7 alone (except for the saving grace of babysitters every once in a while), held down the fort alone, moved across town (with the help of some buff, awesome guys) and SURVIVED the freakin’ year! You know what? Before I look at everything that’s wrong with me that needs fixed and changed, I think I need a second to focus on the good stuff that I AM first. I don’t think I’m alone in this boat either. EVERY single one of you moms that is reading my blogs (all tens and tens of you, lol) need to put the stupid improvement resolution journal down for a minute and pick up the one you DON’T have (because you’re too modest or insecure to have one), the one that says on the front I AM AWESOME BECAUSE… Yes, all caps, because every year or so, you deserve to scream it out. You ARE awesome. Who cares if there are dishes in the sink, or your oldest needs new shoes, or there is laundry in the basket, or you’ve got a few pounds of fluff to shed?! Yes, those things might need taken care of eventually, but no buildings are going to fall into the ocean in the next hour if you stop to list your good qualities!

Yes, I’m speaking to myself also. Trust me. I know the special brand of guilt we as moms place on ourselves. Jane’s mom is so creative. Sandra’s kids behave so well at church. Becky’s son is reading at four years old. I’m just not creative enough, or patient enough or skinny enough and organized enough. Okay, so maybe not (for now, we’re all improving, right?), but what ARE you? A good cook? A great dancer? A kind sister?

If we focus on everything we aren’t, we’ll miss everything we are. So, I’ll start (only to get y’all to do the same). What are you? List ten and don’t stop if you get there and think of more.

I AM…

Intelligent
Funny on occasion
Happy
Friendly
Kind
Considerate of others
A GREAT baker
A supportive wife
Silly (yes, silly is a good quality)
Hard-working

Okay, I’ll list the rest of my in my journal, so you’re not thinking my head is too huge to fit through the door.

My point is that I am going to take today to appreciate what I am. Tomorrow, I’ll move on to what I want to be, and I’ll use the good qualities I already have to get the new ones I want.

One last thing. I need a huge favor: If you’re a mom that knows me on a personal level, please don’t ever compare yourself to me. I don’t want to be that person that someone else measures themselves against and doesn’t feel as good or as talented as. Look at me and think, “Dang! I’m glad I’ve got it more together than she does.” (Because even if you’re not right, which you probably are, at least you’ll feel better about yourself. And isn’t that better than feeling crummy?)

Tomorrow? I’ll talk about what I do hope for this coming year.

My Favorite Video on YouTube

*** I know the video looks like it’s in Chinese, but it’s NOT!  Totally worth the watch if you’re a mom, or a dad wanting to know how mom feels.***

This video is my all-time favorite. It makes me cry every time I watch it. I’m not sure why, but it does. I think I feel like this girl most of the time. Sometimes I do miss the romance of when Super A and I were first dating. I wouldn’t trade our life now for anything, but sometimes, I do wish we could go on a date to the past when we were first engaged, or just first married. Can you tell I’m missing Super A today?

Doing life without him has been really hard lately. I don’t have the sounding board I desperately need to tell me I’m not screwing my kids up forever. Figuring things out on my own has been no fun at all. I’m learning and stretching and growing, though. It’s times like right now, when my 3 year old son is throwing an all-out tantrum and won’t respond to my comforting or threatening or ignoring the fit that I wish Super A would walk in and say, “Let me handle it this time.”  (Plus, king-sized beds are very empty when it’s just you in them alone.)

I’m so glad this is only temporary, that he’s coming home for good eventually. He’s even coming home tonight for a weekend visit. So I shouldn’t whine so much. Sometimes I just need to let it out so it doesn’t rot in me.

Anyway, this video is awesome and I love it. I hope you enjoy it too. Anita Renfroe is genius.

Bribery WORKS! (…sometimes, and thankfully, this time!)

After my post last night about bedtime, I’ve been determined to find the right equation to get these boys to bed at a decent hour.  Part of my incentive was the level of their crankiness all day and the headache that hit Bryant like a Mack truck tonight.  At naptime today, I laid them in their beds, and sat in the room until they fell asleep.  They only slept an hour, rather than the two hours minimum that they usually sleep.  I told them tonight at dinner that they’d be sleeping in their own beds tonight and played it up like the coolest thing ever!  I got the usual fit (totally expected) from both of them.

Juli called it!  As soon as I told them that if they’d sleep in their beds six times in a row, we’d go to the local candy store in the mall that they LOVE and very rarely get to visit, their tone changed.  They were still whiny, but the fits were gone.  I expected more fits after family prayer, but guess what?!  There were NONE!  And half an hour later, they were out cold!  We’ll see how much of the night they stay in their beds, but so far so good, and it’s 1030 pm.  So thanks, Juli!  Great call!

We’ve been asked to speak in church this Sunday,  so I’m going to try to get my thoughts together on that.  More tomorrow.

What’s For Dinner? And Lunch? And Breakfast?

I have had the hardest time lately with cooking. With Super A gone, I just don’t have the motivation I used to to really put my heart into my cooking. Part of the reason for this, I think, is that the kids don’t have very discerning tastes, and they gobble up Spaghetti-O’s with the same relish and wild abandon that they’d eat, say, my chicken friend chicken and mashed potatoes (which takes almost an hour and a half to make). I just don’t feel the creative juices flowing. I love to cook, normally, and I especially love to bake, but lately I just don’t have the interest. This is an especially sad thing, considering that our new house has an awesome kitchen, with lots of counter space.

My repertoire has shrunk significantly. I used to have at least twenty meals that I’d rotate through the menu, and now I’m down to six or seven. So one of my goals for the new year is to cook healthier, more appetizing, more love-infused meals for my kids, even though they don’t quite appreciate it like my husband would. That brings up another reason I’ve lost some of the flair for cooking. Super A is an awesome cook and someday hopes to go to culinary school (after retiring from being a superhero). His zeal and love for cooking has somehow dimmed mine, and I’m not sure why. Kinda petty of me, I guess.

After the boys finish their bath, we’re off to the grocery store (once I get my menu planning done for the week). So if any of you have any to die for recipes that are kid-friendly, send them my way. I’ll try them and then post them on my blog if they’re a success. My email is kjlservices@msn.com

Bedtime

Dozens of episodes of Supernanny over the years have attempted to convince me that only pushovers and doormats can’t get their kids to go to bed in a timely peaceful manner.  Yeah RIGHT!  I sit here at my computer at 12:13!! am, having just calmed down 80(my 2.5 year old) and both boys are sleeping peacefully in my bed.  “How sweet,” you think.  Well, it’d be sweet if you didn’t consider that I started their bedtime process at 7:30 pm!  So, I’m such a great mom that it takes me five hours to get my boys to bed.

TaterTot (7.5) and Sweet’n'Low (6) both went down just fine.  Their only complaint was the volume of their brothers’ crying and fighting and yelling.

I’ve tried everything.  With Super A gone for the past three and half months, they’ve just not adjusted well.  I’ll admit that I’m partly to blame (as Supernanny insinuates).  I made the mistake early on of allowing them to sleep in my bed.  Since we moved into this new house, they’ve been quite afraid of their bedroom, even though it’s awesome with bunkbeds (no worries, they both sleep on the bottom bunk) and a basketball goal (little one) in there.  So, they’ve been in my bed since we moved into this house.  We moved in AFTER Super A left for training.

I digress.  So I’ve tried everything.  I’ve threatened, cajoled, yelled, pleaded, bribed, encouraged, coslept, left them to cry it out (this DOES NOT WORK with toddlers who can get out of bed).  On top of insisting on sleeping in my bed, I MUST, according to them, stay in the room with them, until they are out cold.  I’m sure you’re rolling your eyes at this point, thinking, “Geez, woman.   You talk as if they run the show.  You’re the boss!  Act like it!”  Well, I have, really.  When I put them to bed in their bed, they cry and scream and shout as though I’m feeding them to wolves, literally.  They get themselves worked up into such a frenzy that they throw up.  I’ve tried this method multiple times: Put them to bed in their beds, after scripture study and family prayer and story and song and drink of water (times 15).  All of it calm and peaceful and relaxing (as relaxing as bedtime routine with four kids and one parent can be), and still unless they’re in my bed, with me in the room, the entire time, with 45 drinks of water (a whole ‘nother post related to 80′s frantic need for fluids), and threatening, cajoling, yelling, pleading, bribing and encouraging, it’s 12:30 in the flipping morning before they’re out.  THEN I feel like I need another hour to just unwind enough to sleep myself.

So Supernanny might be a genius, but I’m not feeding in to her BS anymore.  I only hope that someday, I get them feeling safe and secure and peaceful enough to go to sleep at a regular hour.

If any of you have any suggestions, let’s hear ‘em.  This mama needs more sleep.

A Hard Reset

As I do almost every new year, I’m setting new goals for myself. One of them being becoming the mother I want to be and most definitely should be. Super A has a new career, one that allows me to work less, and focus on the kids more. I’m doing a hard reset of my blog, starting today. It will focus on my journey toward being a better mom, and will include my struggles, challenges, successes and thoughts along the way. It’ll serve as a journal for me, but also as a way for me to put my thoughts out there into the universe, where others can agree, disagree, commiserate or ignore.

Day Two

On day two, you’re supposed to talk about the meaning behind your blog name.  That’s easy!  A Better Kelly is what I want to be!  I picked it because I knew it would remind me of the purpose of this blog, which is not to complain and whine and woe is me, but to use it as a tool for reflection and improvement, hopefully. 

Day One

Post a recent picture of yourself and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

Grrr…. I don’t like posting pictures of myself.  I’m not happy with how I look, but I will be by May (I hope)…

This was me last summer in the Bahamas.  One of the only pics of me I could find where my hair wasn’t a mess, and there wasn’t a messy house in the background.  ACK! :s

So here are 15 “interesting” facts about me…

1. I knew the night I met my husband that we would grow up and get married someday (I was 20 when I met him).  I just wasn’t good enough or ready for him yet.

2. I spent a whole bunch of years “apprenticing” with my dad as a diesel mechanic.  I keep it as my ace in the hole in case I can’t find other work someday.  I actually LOVE working in that kind of stuff, and working with my daddy just made it that much better.

3. When I was in high school, my nickname (half nickname/half insult) was Forrest Gump, because I used to run to and from the middle school (about 7.5 miles?, I think…)almost every day.  Running is very addicting.

4. I’m VERY addicted to sugar, in the form of cake, SODA and chocolate.

5. I LOVE horses and can’t think about how much I want one, because it makes me cry.

6. I also love the piano and the violin VERY VERY MUCH.  I think there are people born with a piano wire (or violin string) running through their soul, from their head to their toes, and when they interact with music, that string reverberates, sending pure joy through every atom of their body.  I’m so grateful to be one of these people.

7. This isn’t a big surprise to anyone who knows me very well, but I am INCREDIBLY insecure.  it’s a frustrating weakness that I hope to get over someday.

8. I love taking care of people.  Sometimes, they don’t want to be taken care of, but I want to take care of them anyway, because I love them.  Sometimes too much.

9. This is hard, and I can’t think of very many interesting things.

10. I really love math.  I believe that if you have a bad experience with math in elementary school, you’re screwed.  I want to be a math teacher and help kids see that they CAN do it!

11. I want to be an awesome housekeeper and homemaker, but I’m totally not.  I’m pretty lazy, and I want to change that.

12. I LOVE the ocean.  I barely saw it for the first time last summer, on the trip where the above picture was taken.  It really is healing like my dad told me.

13. I wish I was funnier.  I love making people laugh, and consider it a great accomplishment when I can make Adam laugh.  Gish-a-le!  hehehehehe

14. My little brother died when I was 16.  He was born with major problems and I took care of my siblings while he was in the hospital.  Thanks to awesome teachers, I was able to stay home and take care of my younger siblings when Mama and Daddy were in Albuquerque with him at the hospital for a few months.  That will definitely be a whole nother blog post sometime soon.

15. My parents gave all of us kids (except Lock) our middle names (except Kassi, her first name is from there) from places in the mountains, most of us from the Gila where my family ranched back in the cowboy days.  People ask me all the time if Lockwood is a family name, and I tell them nope.  It’s even better than that!  It’s a place in the mountains I love the most.

Phew!  That was hard.  Hope it was a bit interesting. 

30 Day Blog Challenge

My friend, Juli, just posted this, and I’ve seen a few of my other friends do this on Facebook, so I thought I’d give it a try.  I needed this little boost, because I’ve had a hard time posting things on my blog on a regular basis, so this should help. 

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

day 2- the meaning behind your blog name

day 3- a picture of you and your friends

day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have

day 5- a picture of somewhere you’ve been to

day 6- favorite super hero and why

day 7- a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

day 8- short term goals for this month and why

day 9- something you’re proud of in the past few days

day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

day 11- another picture of you and your friends

day 12- how you found out about blogger and why you have one

day 13- a letter to someone

day 14- a picture of you and your family

day 15- put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play

day 16- another picture of yourself

day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have

day 19- nicknames you have and why you have them

day 20- someone you love

day 21- a picture of something that makes you happy

day 22- what makes you different from everyone else

day 23- something you crave for a lot

day 24- your last five facebook status’

day 25- what I would find in your bag

day 26- what do you think about your friends

day 27- why are you doing this 30 day challenge

day 28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?

day 29- in this past month, what have you learned

day 30- your favorite song

What Martin Luther King, Jr. Did For Me

I know that Martin Luther King Jr. Day has passed, but it was a good day for me as a mother, and I wanted to share what he did for me.

TaterTot is my sweet 6 year old daughter.  She has such a big heart.  On MLK Day, before bed, I asked her what new thing she learned about Mr. King.  She said, “He made it where we’re all the same.”  I felt like this was a good answer, but a bit of a pat answer, so we talked some more.  I explained (trying my hardest not to get teary about it), that people whose skin was black weren’t allowed to go to the same movies, or restaurants as white people, and they weren’t allowed to ride on the same buses or drink from the same water fountains, and that this wasn’t the worst part.  Black people weren’t seen as equal or the same as white people.

TaterTot started yelling, “That is so NOT FAIR.  People with black skin are just the same as me.  We’re all the same inside and it makes me so MAD that people don’t know that!  Jevonte’ (who is black) is my best friend and I love him and he’s so awesome!”  She was so mad.  I was so proud, and again trying not to cry.

I’ve tried since my kids were born to raise them to not even notice a difference in people because of their skin.  She was five before she knew that people with different skin came from different places.  When she was 3, she drew herself with brown skin, without fail, every time.  She didn’t know there was a difference.  Many would argue that this isn’t a good idea, but I wanted her to look inside, not outside.

So even though he died 20 something years before I was born, Martin Luther King Jr. gave me a priceless gift – a better chance of raising my children to transcend race and see people for who they truly are, not what they look like on the outside.

I realize that what I’ve said might sound a bit naive and maybe it is, but as she gets older, we can have the deeper talks and expound on the ideals that Mr. King lived and died by.  For now, I’m simply grateful for the chance to do so.